Todays story starts with Condiment Man over at his friend Steven's house, with Casey. Adam isn't there because he couldn't get the Official Sidekick sticker off his head from two episodes ago.
Anyway, it was an average Friday night, we were listening to music, and playing N64, when the power went out.
"NOOOOO!!!!! I WAS AT THE LAST BOSS!!!!" Casey shouted.
After a few seconds, there was a loud roar, it was like a big plane was flying straight for Steven’s apartment building. A light crept through the window, getting brighter as the noise got louder. When the noise was at its peak, the room was filled with light, and slowly the light, and roar died down.
Steven got up, and walked over to the door to see what was happening out there. We all followed him out, their was nothing to do inside, there was no power, remember, and plus we all wanted to know what the heck the loud noise was.
Once outside, we didn't see anything out of the ordinary at first, trees all in there places, and the buildings were all in there places. Then we realized we were on the first floor, Steven’s apartment was on the second floor. It took a second of thought to figure out that whatever went by here, completely knocked out the 1st floor of the building. Casey went out to look at the building from a different angle, and noticed a very big space ship hovering over the KC Mart parking lot.
"Lets go over there and check it out." Steven said.
"Sound good." I said, "Maybe there’s someone in need of condiments over there."
"Well, there’s no power, and we got nothing else to do, so why not." Casey said.
So with that brief conversation, we headed over to the KC Mart, wondering what was going on over there. I started thinking, if these are really aliens, and they aren’t friendly, we should probably bring weapons. Steven must've had the same thought, as we both started searching for something, anything on the ground that could be a weapon. I was close to a tree, and picked up a root. Sure it's not an obvious weapon, it could probably do some damage to them. Or at least make them start laughing at the thought that I would protect myself with nothing but a root, that I could kick them in the stomach, or whatever they have, while they would be off guard. Steven on the other hand, found a metal lock that you might put in a fence to lock it. Casey, seeing what we were doing, found a crappy, weak ladder. Kicked the steps out, and was left with two sturdy rods. By now, we were getting pretty close to the KC Mart.
"How bout we go inside. We could get a good look at what's happening on the other side of the building." I told them.
"Sounds good, what do you think Casey?"
"Sure, if any of those aliens get close to me, I'll give em m m ____<Note: During the many conversions this story has gone through, this portion of the text has been lost. Basically, Hoj, Steve, and Casey wander around the inside of the building. Casey heads off to a buffet where nothing interesting happens. Hoj and Steve battle a few alients with the root and hub cap.>______d I hit him with my hub cap. It confused him long enough for me to tie him up with the root. I put him next to the TV.
Steven, feeling something hard in his pocket, reached in, and pulled out a remote for his TV. He aimed it at the TV, and hit the on button. Steven missed the TV and hit the alien.
It started bubbling. Bulges formed in its big head, then, the head blew up, shooting green ooze all over the place. We had a weapon to kill them with!!
Soon after, they poured in. The reserves came in to crush their only opposition: us. They were taller than the other ones, and carried around anal probes. What's an anal probe you ask?? Well according to South Park, it's a big metal hubajube that gets stuck up your butt. Well I threw the hub cap at them, one of them caught it, slammed some hubajubes on it, and threw it at Casey, he barely dodged it. This gave Steven a chance to shoot them with the remote. And he killed all the aliens that way. The alien ship flew away, and we celebrated by going to Taco Bell.
Steven asked, "Is this beef??"
"Yez, dat iz beef" said the guy who worked there.
"NOOOOO I CAN''T STAND THIS KILLING OF COWS!!! I am going to put this place out of buisness!! I am going to put an end to this killing of cows!!! I am going home to make a costume. I am going to be......................................COW DEFENDER!!!! Defender of Cows everywhere!!!"
"Steven!! Wait!!" I yelled. But he took off out the door too fast.
"This is some good taco" Casey said.
"Yeah, it is pretty good."
And so we sat, munching of tacos, and wondering.....well, we were wondering something... Oh yeah...wondering if Steven was really going to become Cow Defender. And if he did, how am I going to get condiments?? Taco Bell has provided me with them for years now. These, and other questions that haven’t yet been asked, and even those questions that you knew the answer to will be answered, and given new answers, in a later story.