The factory in East Indiana produced many kinds of stuffed toys. Penguins, tigers, and bears. Jack Ralphson, the head animal designer, went to Ed Fredson, head of animal production, with an idea, to create stuffed cows. They worked long hours at the factory, and after a long days work would alternate going to each other’s houses to work on the presentation for John Ericson, President and Founder of Ericson’s Stuffed Stuff.
The presentation was amazing. They worked out a skit, they utilized a dry erase board, a big notepad on an easel, and even had a PowerPoint presentation with sounds and animation.
After weeks of preparation, they had their pitch worked out and a prototype stuffed cow created. Ed punched the specs of the prototype into the animal creation machine, and produced an exact clone of the prototype quickly, and easily out of the scraps of the penguin and tiger skin. Finally prepared, they asked John’s administrative assistant for a moment of John’s time, and she penciled them in for next Wednesday at three p.m.
When three p.m. came, Jack and Ed shook John’s hand, and began their pitch, beginning with the PowerPoint presentation.
“Wait, this is about a cow?” John stopped them.
“Well, yeah,” Jack’s voice shook. He cleared his throat, and said more confidently, “Of course it is.”
“Do you have a prototype?” Jack asked.
Ed smiled, “Of course sir.” He nearly gave Jack a high five, followed by a low five, sure their promotions to Co-Assistant Assistant Vice President of Region One were in the bag. He handed the cloned cow to his boss proudly, and stepped back to a proper distance to accept the accolades.
“I hate cows. You know what cow?” He looked the cow in the eye, “You’re fat, and you smell like old penguin scraps. You see Ralphson and Fredson, my grandpa was a rancher. Had hundreds of cows. His tasted the best, know why? We found offending cows made them tender. If you soften them emotionally, then a physical softening will soon follow. That’s my true calling. I’m going to go back to that in oh, four five years. By then my son will be able to take over here. A Cow Offender, that’s what they called me. Oh, those were good days,” he kicked his feet up onto his desk and leaned back into his chair. “You guys can go now, and take your stupid cow with you.” John tossed the cow across the room to Ed, “Stick them in the claw game box, might as well recoup some cash for them.”
Ed and Jack dragged themselves from the John’s executive office, throwing the giant pad of paper in the first trashcan they saw, and the two cows in the claw game box. They walked depressed back to their cubes where they continued to process paperwork until they would one day work up the courage to ask John’s son, then owner of Ericson’s Stuffed Stuff to make a singing robot which boosted the company’s revenue 18% overnight. Ed and Jack finally got those pet lemurs they had always dreamed of.
The cows separated in the packing room. One cow went to the bear claw game at SouthGlen, where Hoj would spend far too much to win it. The cloned cow went to the bear claw game at Incread-A-Bowl, where Gary, Stupendous Boy’s secret identity, would win it, give it to Hoj because he liked cows so much, get stolen from Hoj’s car after letting Loretta look at the sweet keychain, and wind up with Leprechaun because leprechauns are like gnomes who steal things from the booth.